Are you being kind to yourself?

Not with Rewards

Are you kind to yourself? Stop saying negative things to yourself and start affirming the positive. You ARE awesome. Start saying it!Oh sure, you reward yourself with a piece of cake or a new piece of jewelry once in a while. But those are rewards, and while it is nice and kind to do something “extra” for yourself, the real question is: are you kind to yourself every day?

Kind Self-Talk

“I’m so stupid.” Do you say that to yourself? Know this: it’s not true. Perhaps you poured OJ into your coffee instead of milk. That doesn’t make you stupid, it just means you weren’t paying attention at the moment. In most cases, when you tell yourself you’re stupid, you are reacting to a situation in which you’re not performing at your best. You may have done something stupid (and I’d prefer to say you did something not so smart), but that doesn’t make you stupid. So stop saying it. I hear people, particularly women, say this aloud about themselves all the time. Take notice if you’re doing it, and stop.

There are other phrases of unkind words we say to ourselves: I’m fat, I’m not good enough, I’m ugly, I’m a bad mother/wife/partner/sister/friend. Stop it. You have the power to change your reaction to whatever situation is causing you to say those things. And you can start making that change by changing how you talk to yourself.

Instead of saying “I’m fat” try:
– I am in control of my health.
– I am choosing to be healthy.
– I am awesome.

Instead of saying “I’m not good enough” try:
– I am a winner.
– I am successful.
– I love myself for who I am.

Instead of saying “I’m ugly” try:
– I am my own unique self.
– I am comfortable with who I am.
– I am special.
– I am beautiful.

Instead of “I’m a bad (insert relationship here)” try:
– I am patient and kind.
– I am a source of love and inspiration.
– I am loving and passionate.
– I am love, loved, and loving.

These alternatives are all positive affirmations, short positive statements that are true (or you want to be true). Repeating them aloud or writing them down every day instills the affirmation into your subconscious and it will change the way you think about yourself. For those who doubt this and think it’s some New Age hype, let me just remind you that all those negative things you’ve been saying have gotten you where? This is basic human psychology. So make a concentrated effort to write down three positive affirmations and say them aloud every morning for a week. See if you feel a difference. I know you will.

If you’d like more information on positive affirmations, including over 300 more affirmations covering everything from finance to creativity, then check out my book, Positive Affirmations.

3 Steps to Learning to Love Yourself

Do you like the person you see in the mirror?
Do you like the person you see in the mirror?

When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? Not just the physical characteristics, but who you are.

How often do you truly look in the mirror? Sure, everyday you glance as you’re brushing your teeth, or combing your hair, or making sure your outfit is not lacking. But your focus is likely on that which your action is addressing: on your hair as you comb it or on your teeth as you brush them. Do you ever look the person in the mirror straight in the eye – and smile?

I didn’t until recently. And it wasn’t an easy habit to establish. At first it was rather quick – a fleeting smile performed on the sly. Brush teeth, apply makeup, comb hair, take in overall look, flash a smile, move on. What was I so afraid of? That I wouldn’t smile back? It’s a mirror; I’m guaranteed to return the smile. And yet, I was – I don’t know – embarrassed?  No one else was around, so was I embarrassed by the person looking back at me? Maybe I just needed to learn to not be so critical of me and to learn to love the person in the mirror.

Learn to Love Yourself

  1. Breathe. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, open your eyes.
  2. Smile. A genuine “Hey, nice to see you!” smile. React as if you’re seeing a best friend for the first time in years.
  3. Say something nice. “Hey beautiful!” or “Your smile is infectious” or “It’s a good day when I see your smiling face.” Anything along those lines.

This may take practice. It did for me. The goal is not to become an egomaniac who can’t stop looking in the mirror, but you are looking to reach a point where you acknowledge the person in the mirror as a worthy and wonderful person… you.