Day Seventeen’s Challenge:
Learn to say no.
Today’s challenge may indeed be a bit of a challenge. Learn to say no.
Try (because this may be harder than you think) to say no three times today. A good place to start is for anything that intrudes on your time and that the asker is quite capable of handling. For me, that will be when my son asks if I’ll pack his lunch. He can do it, as he has had to do it before, but he’s just used to me doing it for him. At work, I’m still getting requests for help in my previous life work as knitting guru: “Can you help me pick out a yarn and rewrite this adult sweater pattern to fit my child?” No. Well, technically I am capable of doing these things, but it no longer is part of my life mission. So no. Although I would probably phrase it more along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but I am not available to do that but I’d recommend trying so-and-so.” Try it with co-workers who are always asking you to do something just because you will do it.
A word of caution – tread lightly and carefully if this is out of your comfort zone. Don’t offer explanations. Just go with, “No, I’m sorry I can’t do that (for you) today.” Go with your gut – if you’re asked to do something that you really feel you should do because it would otherwise jeopardize your job or friendship, then say yes. Ask yourself when you’re done if you really did need to say yes. If you think you could have refused the person asking, then learn from that situation and circumstance. You’re smart, you’re empowered, you can discern when things are truly necessary and when they’re not. Take a deep breathe before you answer; it will give you time to center yourself and listen to your gut.
Always saying “yes” can be quite stressful. If you are a people pleaser, you may frequently agree to do things but then feel stressed about what you’ve taken on, you need to step back and really learn this skill. And it is a learnable skill. That’s why we’re starting small by only saying no three times (and telling the kids that can’t have cookies before dinner doesn’t count – unless you usually say yes!). If three times seems daunting, then start with one. Tomorrow try it again. Keep practicing until you feel comfortable and confident in taking on only what really fits into your life. For most this is an ongoing struggle, so stay strong!
Say no three times today. And don’t forget to smile.
How did you feel after you’ve accomplished today’s challenge? Was it as difficult as you thought? Did you learn anything about yourself?
Related articles:
10 Guilt-Free Strategies for Saying No
Stress Management: When To Say No (Mayo Clinic)
How People Pleasers Can Learn to Say “No” More Often (Life Hacker – with a decision flow chart!)
Previous Day’s Challenge: Kindness to Self Next Day’s Challenge: Gratitude
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